| This month's winner is a very special
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| | you imagine being at a party with about
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| product. It's the Home Defibrillator. In
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| | 20 drunken college students when one of
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| case you don't know what a defibrillator
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| | them finds the Home Defibrillator? OH
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| is, it's one of those things they use to
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| | BOY! LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!! "Hey Joe,
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| shock someone when their heart has
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| | stand on your head, chug this beer and
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| stopped. Now when BillyBob has a heart
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| | we'll hit you with 5 thousand volts. It's
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| attack, there's no need to drag him
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| | an awesome rush!" Or maybe, "Whoa dude,
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| outside, grab the jumper cables, hook
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| | at the lowest setting it makes your hair
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| them up to the old pickup and zap him.
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| | stand straight up. But at the highest
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| Just grab your home defibrillator.
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| | setting your eyes light up and blink like
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| (Hummm... I wonder if it would work the
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| | a neon sign. It's really cool." I'm sure
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| other way around. The car won't start and
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| | more party games will follow. "Dude, hold
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| I can't find the jumper cables. Grab the
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| | these paddles while you suck on the keg.
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| paddles, zap the battery....good as new!)
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| | We'll start turning this knob. See how
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|
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| | long you can take it. The record is
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| A couple of problems I have with the
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| | setting 5 so far. Don't worry dude, it's
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| Home Defibrillator come from the
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| | cool. Ken did it and he stopped twitching
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| commercials I've seen for it. The first
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| | after an hour or so!"
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| thing they tell you in the commercial is
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| | Yeah, this is just the thing I want at
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| that 80 percent of the people who die
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| | my house. Forget the fake stethoscope and
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| from heart attacks never had any previous
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| | thermometer. Let the kids play doctor
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| symptoms. And that most of them could
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| | with the real thing! While you're at it,
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| have been saved if there had been a
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| | give them everything in your medicine
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| defibrillator close by. Okay fair enough.
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| | cabinet along with a scalpel and one of
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| Then they tell you that you can only get
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| | those syringes with the really long
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| the Home Defibrillator by prescription.
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| | needles.
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| Now wait a minute. If I don't have any
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| | This sure sounds like a handy thing to
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| symptoms of heart problems, why would a
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| | have around the house. I bet it would
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| doctor write me a prescription for a
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| | work well in the kitchen too! "Mom, I put
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| defibrillator? Just in case I might have
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| | a potato in the microwave oven, but it
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| one? I think that's taking preventive
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| | didn't cook it all the way though.
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| medicine just a little too far. If a
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| | Where's the Home Defibrillator?" Maybe at
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| doctor came to you and said, "We've ran
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| | restaurants. "Can I warm your coffee up
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| some tests and we have found no signs of
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| | for you?" ZAP! Now it's nice and hot.
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| cancer. But just to be safe, we're going
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| | Maybe you can start your own business
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| to give you Chemo Therapy anyway." Would
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| | with it. Instead of a lemonade stand,
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| you ever go back to that doctor? I don't
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| | maybe the kids can start a shock therapy
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| think so. Let's do all kinds of other
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| | clinic in the front yard. I bet there are
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| stuff, just to be sure. Let's cut off all
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| | a lot of people in the neighborhood that
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| my limbs just in case I might ever get
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| | could use it. And you can charge a lot
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| gangrene in any of them. Let's put in a
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| | more for the service than selling some
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| pacemaker just in case my heart ever
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| | warm, colored sugar water.
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| decides to stop beating regularly on it's
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| | Yes, this is a wonderful product. It has
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| own. Let's do a liver transplant just in
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| | 1001 uses. Just think about it and I'm
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| case mine might be going bad on me. Come
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| | sure you can come up with more on your
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| on, how far do you want to take this just
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| | own. The possibilities are endless. So to
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| in case thing?
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| | the makers of the Home Defibrillator, I
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| I'm sure this product will save lives.
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| | say thank you for giving us this
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| But I don't think I want Joe Smoe zapping
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| | wonderful life saving device/party game
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| me with a few thousands volts. I'd much
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| | kitchen device. Because of your advanced
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| rather have some one who's had a little
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| | thinking, you have rightly earned this
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| bit of training, like maybe A DOCTOR,
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| | months Moron of the Month award.Robert
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| using it on me. I really don't want some
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| | Clayton is a new writer to the world of
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| moron using it on me just because I fell
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| | humor. Having loved to make people laugh
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| asleep on the couch. "LOOK, he's not
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| | his whole life, Robert has turned his
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| moving and his eyes are closed! He's had
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| | comdey skills toward the direction of
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| a heart attack. Quick BillyBob, grab the
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| | writing. He maintains the site where he
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| defibrillator! No, forget jump starting
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| | shares many of his wild thoughts and
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| the car, we need to zap him right now!"
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| | articles. If you need a laugh in your
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| Now I'm sure there will be lots of other
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| | life, look for other articles by Robert
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| fun uses for the Home Defibrillator. Can
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| | and be sure to check out his website.
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